First Grade

In first grade we learned how to do greater than and less than problems. The alligator eats the larger number, such as 2>1, is how we learned to do them. Later in the year, when we revisited them, I did all of my problems backwards. My teacher saw my paper and asked me which numbers do the alligators eat and I said they like to eat the little ones. She replied "Why?!?!" and I said "BECAUSE IT'S EASIER TO CATCH AND EAT THE SMALLER ONES! SO IT TURNED IT'S BACK ON THE BIG ONE AND TURNED AROUND TO CATCH THE SMALLER ONE". She told me I had it backwards and they eat the large ones, even though that didn't make sense to me because it would be trying to eat an elephant or a giraffe or something instead of a rabbit.

My New Childrens Book :D

My Toe Hurt Snow

One night I fell asleep.
It was cold outside and snowing! My word!
As I was asleep, my toe just snuck out of the room!
It went outside and hurt snow.
My toe hurt snow badly.
I woke up shivering because my toe was cold!
I didn't even know it happend.
I looked out the window and heard snow crying.
I went out there and comforted snow.
I went back inside to discipline my toe.
I went into through the living room into the kitchen.
Pulled out a steak knife and...
CHOP!
Went the toe.
So the toe learned his lesson!
Snow was happy!
Very much so!

The End.

The Number 92

Many times in school people get a 92% on one of their assignments. Students know that there is a fine line between an A and a B. An A is a 93% and above. A B is a 92% and below. Just 1% higher and you would have an A. This number is the work of all evil combined and spelled out on paper. It is as though our poor teachers are being possessed into writing the number 2 instead of the number 3 after that oh-so-wonderful number 9. The equation 666/6-((6*33)+1) will equal the number 92, which proves to many people how wicked this number really is. The temperature at which ice will melt is 32° and above, add 60° to that and you have another 92°. The temperature 92° will also melt ice. A pentagram consists of a circle and a star. The circle's circumference is 360°. Each of the angles inside of the star equals 90.4°. Five times 90.4° minus 360° equals 92°! It is believed that the teachers are possessed by Satin himself infecting the host through their toenails. It then travels up their legs, through their abdomen and arms, into the index finger. The host then leaves the 3rd part of the number 3 off causing a number 2. We have named this horrid phenomenon tritititchnonabiitus. Now that you have read this you will die in either 92 seconds, 92 minutes, 92 hours, 92 days, 92 weeks, 92 months, 92 years, 92 decades, 92 centuries, 92 millennium, or 92 Barack Obamas.
-Andrew

Myself

Well I was born in 1932 in the middle of central Russia. Now back then we didn't wear clothing. Everyday was like a struggle to live. Temperatures dropped to atleast -50'F everdyay. In 1956 I moved to this great place called America. I settled in a small suburban area with my wife and three wonderful children. Ten years from now I did not know that I was to be strucken with such a terrible illness. November 3rd 1966, I was diagnosed with Conculcopollexemoveoitus. The horrid disease where you can no longer wiggle your toes. Then after getting my toes amputated, I joined the military to go fight in Vietnam. Once I got back from 'nam in 1972, I found that my wife had been killed in a horrible ironing board accident. It was so tragic that I moved to Brazil to be in the International League of Shuffle Boarding. After winning countless of competitions I then moved to southern Alaska to show small children how to build igloos. Now, residing in my peaceful home in California, I am learning this new thing the kids do with their own personal Internet and whatnot.
-Andrew